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Following Your Spouse Abroad

By Kathryn Wilson
Monster Contributing Writer

Depending on your outlook, following your spouse abroad could mean abandoning the familiar routine of your life, including your steady job. So when my significant other told me, with great enthusiasm, he'd been offered a position in Cochabamba, Bolivia, I didn't know whether to be pleased or panicked. Living and working in a foreign country can be an exciting and rewarding experience in many ways. But what if the foreign assignment is only for your spouse? What if your job won't travel?

You agree that the opportunity is indeed too good to pass up. But privately, when it comes time to quit your job and start packing, you're terrified and resentful. You are convinced you've just sacrificed your career for the benefit of your spouse.

But after spending a year and a half in central Bolivia and undergoing a somewhat bumpy reentry into the US job market, I've learned there are things you can do -- before you even apply for your passport -- to safeguard and even enhance your career. I did some; some I wish I'd done. While I was there, I met a number of women who were in similar positions, having followed a working spouse to his new job. What we all found was that if you truly love what you do for a living, you can find ways to keep doing it. And if you're in a career rut, this is just the chance you need to dig your way out.

Moving Abroad Is an Opportunity, Not a Problem

First and most important, see this as an opportunity rather than a problem. Many professionals would give anything for sabbatical time to research, write or simply gain a new perspective. You now have that opportunity -- don't waste it.

Realistically, in a poor, nonindustrialized nation, you will not be working for anything close to your current salary. Some companies will make an effort to find a spot for spouses. It can't hurt to ask. You may not be able to work for pay at all. Many countries will not allow a foreigner to take a job that could be filled by a citizen. And even if your host country has a bilateral work agreement with the US, high unemployment is often a factor. Language skills sometimes present difficulties as well: The vocabulary that will get you through the local market may not be adequate for a technical position. Still, with a little effort and imagination, you can maintain or improve your skills, add to your resume and contribute something to your host country as well.

I met Jeanie Rafferty in her job as the community liaison officer in the American embassy in La Paz, Bolivia. Tall and slender with a mass of wavy red hair that belies her meticulously organized personality, Rafferty is a nurse married to a career diplomat. She told me that when they first arrived in Bolivia, she interviewed for nursing positions with three local agencies and was passed over for a native speaker each time.

So Rafferty worked at the embassy for a paycheck, but she practiced her profession for free. She volunteered her time at the children's burn unit at the La Paz hospital. She not only maintained her clinical nursing skills, but her day job gave her valuable administrative experience to take back to the US.

Unfortunately, not everyone is so successful. I know of one woman who scornfully told her language instructor, "It's not my job to learn Spanish, it's your job to teach me."

She bailed out after a year, leaving her husband to finish his three-year assignment unaccompanied. It would be easy to dismiss her as just having the wrong attitude, but it's not that simple. Following a husband to a Third World country presents special difficulties for a career-oriented woman.

Culture Shock

Culture shock is more than your initial mental adjustment to strange customs, new language and perhaps water unsafe to drink. It is a very real set of symptoms that may include depression, anxiety, increased incidence of minor illnesses and a sense of helplessness.

Much has been written about the general culture shock many people endure once the initial excitement of a new experience has worn off. If you have been accustomed to going to work every day, making decisions and bringing home your own paycheck, your sense of displacement may be intensified. Americans are especially prone to identifying ourselves by the work we do. If you aren't currently doing your chosen work, don't beat yourself up. It can be an ego-strengthening exercise.

The language barrier is another problem. If you are normally assertive and articulate, being reduced to uttering simple, declarative sentences will be especially frustrating. Remind yourself that you are still articulate in English, and take positive steps to master your new language just as you would any new skill needed for your old job.

In fact, the best defense you have against culture shock is the same discipline and self-motivation that made you successful in the first place. Here are some definitive steps:

• Make a Plan: Treat this move as you would a new project for your current job, and work just as hard for yourself.
  
  
  
• Do Your Research: The State Department offers a number of support services to government employees and their dependents, but as a private citizen, don't expect the American embassy to act as an employment service. If your spouse is working for a private enterprise, ask what support the company offers family members.
  
  
  
• Visit Your Tax Advisor: Ask what effect being out of work for a time may have on your tax status. (For example, if you are out of work for more than a year, the IRS does not consider educational expenses deductible.)
  
   
• Review and Update Your Resume: Document your accomplishments and request letters of recommendation while your face and accomplishments are fresh in their minds.
  
  
  
• Put Together a Portfolio: This is for when you're back in the job market. Store it in a safe place but make a duplicate to take with you. Filling in blanks and adding pages will be tangible evidence of your progress.
  
  
  
• Safeguard Your Professional Contacts: Renew licenses and certifications early, if possible, so you won't have to deal with them long distance. Maintain subscriptions to technical publications, and keep your membership in professional organizations.
  
  
  
• Network, Network, Network: Try to find someone else in your profession who has traveled to the same part of the world.

While You're Away

Consider going back to school. You can begin working on a degree onling or via correspondence. And there is a wealth of specialized courses available to maintain or extend your training. If you have time on your hands, put it to work for yourself.

Schedule trips home to coincide with professional conferences, seminars or lectures. Keep a notebook to document your attendance and what you learned. Try writing an article from your cross-cultural perspective for your newsletter or professional publication.

An Education, Not a Sacrifice

If you think you are making a sacrifice by "giving up your career" and following your spouse overseas, think again. As the world gets smaller and smaller, Americans need new and different skills to excel in the marketplace. An international perspective, the ability to function across cultures and the mental flexibility to accommodate or overcome differences are lessons you could never learn in a conventional classroom.

Today's career-minded wives can do much more than preside at dinner parties for their husbands. They can participate in the international community, make a contribution to their host country and return to their home country and career one giant step ahead of the rest.